My Last Top 5

Here it is... i hope you have enjoyed as much as I have

Top 5 Reasons I Do Not Want to Have Man Boobs

5. I can't wear tight shirts anymore - There goes half my wardrobe

4. Poor self image - I don't need anything else to make it harder to love myself.

3. Too much cyring - I will look even less manly if I am crying after looking at myself in the mirro and have man boobs.

2. They hurt - The pain caused by jiggling when I am going downstairs is simultaneously discomforting and nauseating.

1. I won't be able to be on the "skins team" during soccer games on hot days

Top 5 T Shirts of All Time

Well, weekend is almost up and i am running out of steam. I hope you have enjoyed... i will dissapear for a while after this.

5. No One Knows I'm New Wave (white cotton, black letters - '92) - I made this one myself. I saw Mark Arm (Mudhoney) wearing one in rolling stone and I thought it was cool. Plus i love the cars.

4. Death to the Pixies (black cotton, white screen print - 90) - I stil have this one because it is so cool. I plan on passing it on to my children. My legacy will be a small black t shirt cause any money I have will deffinately be gone by then since it will probably cost me 100k a year to send them to college. I wore this to a grateful dead concert. I was the only person wearing black in the whole fucking place. I was so post punk.

3. Blue red tie die (cotton - 90) i bought this at my first grateful dead concert with Kris K. and Lahoda. We had to leave the concert early because Kris wanted to beat the traffic. Dude... that was so spazzy.

2. Ocean Pacific Hoody T Shirt (cotton - 83) There was a fad going on with OP stuff in the early 80s. One of the cool pieces were these thin cotton t shirt hoodies. It was the best. Long Sleve t shirts rule and this was had a hood which was even better. I would wear this one now if i had it. A timeless classic despite its 7th grade fad appeal.

1. Cycling - (blue cotton 01) I think my brother sent this to me, it is a nike t shirt that just says cycling. It is heavy cotton and simple. I love the font.

Top Five Birds

I like birds.

5. Owls - They have HUGE wingspans. Its like watching a fat pteradactyl fly.

4. Herons - Also have huge wing, so graceful, so delicate.

3. Hawks - Just because the should be my nickname. Ted "hawk" Burns

2. City Falcons - My love of falcons started with the Blue Falcon cartoon. Then in VA i used to watch the falconers train their birds to hunt in the fields. However, in Toronto i got hooked on the city falcons that would live on the tops of buildings. They are so resiliant, they came back and took over the skys between buildings. I could watch them from my office on the 33rd floor of the Scotia Bank building and they would soar, and dive, and perch, it was super cool. Plus they kill pigeons which makes them all right by me.

1. Pelicans - Pelicans are simultaneously noble and goofy. They waddle around but they fly in huge packs and are awesome hunters. The best is when they shoot up into the air and nose dive right into the water after a fish. Talk about faith in your own abilities.

Top Five Meals of All Time

I just ate at mcdonalds which made me think of good food. I had their new chicken strips. 5 was too many and 3 is too few. Once again i feel screwed by McDonalds.

Honorable mention: Tortialla with peanut butter and jello powder 1994 (Adirondacks, NY) I was so hungry I started dreaming about food. For some reason this combination came to mind and it was something to behold.

5.Garlic Ship Dish 99-Present (Toronot, ON-Menlo Pak Ct) Caitlin always makes this, it is social (you dip bread in the pan to soak up the garlicy olive oil) and has lots of garlic and olive oil. Bascially one sure fire way to make anything taste good is to add garlic and olive oil. It is a sure fire crowd pleaser

4. Hot Turkey Sandwhich 97 (Gloversville, NY) - Post bike race meal. I had this about 20 minutes after i finished. The next day i was almost completely recovered from the day before. Since then hot turkey sandwich and mashed potatoes are my magic food for job intereviews and bike races.

3. Gallerie Laffayetee 1980 (Paris, France) - My parents had been trucking us around parents and we went into the Gallarie Lafayette to use the washrooms. It is a huge Department store in paris. My dad and i were hungry so we went to the cafe and bought half a chicken. It was AMAZING. it was seasoned down to the bone and not greasy. We were both liking the one to keep the taste alive in out mouths, and it worked. Never had any chicken that came close to it since.

2. Marche 2001 (NY, NY) - Fancy NY french place on the upper east side. The super cool thing here was it was my first tasting menu at a restaurant and it came with wine. They brought a drink to match every course you have. Who knew such a think existied! I am such a bumpkin. When people know what they are doing eating is fun.

1. Thanksgiving 98' (Eastern Short, Maryland) - Up util this date i never really appreciated food. It really only ate for sustenance, ie. because i had to. I had had only one realy gourmand experience, (at the gallerie lafayette) and had no interest in huge meals. All i wanted was to feel full and not be grossed out. Anyway... girlfriend at the time took me to a thanksgiving dinner at friends of her parents out on the eastern shore. They had courses, great turkey, and a wine to go with every course. It was all planned and you could eat and drink a ton. God i love it when people match booze to food, that just seems classy to me. Again... i am a bumpkin.

Top Five Pant Styles and Pairs of Pants
Pants are very complicated as you will see....they can't be too fancy and must be comfortable

5. Black parachute pants (Parachute pants1983) - I actually wore these a fair bit, they had nice linner and the pockets were convenient. I don't know why these are not still popular with all of the pockets.

4. Brown Dress Pants (Nordstroms - Cotton/Nylon blend 2003) - They travel well and the cuffs are 16.5 inches around making me look sort of like a mod. I can spill on them and don't need to iron them. They are perfection

3. Black comfort fit jeans - (Gap - 94) I died these late 80's faded blue jeans to black on ex wifes advice. They didn't last long but were super comfortable and looked cool with my green stiched doc marteens.

2. Green Army Pants (Army issue fatigues - 88-93) - I had 2-3 pairs bought at Army and Navy in Johnson City NY. I would wear them until they had holes that couldn't be patched up. The coolest thing was i had a grateful dead patch patching up the butt at one point. Some news photographer took a picture of my post punk hippie wear in montreal and it made the fashion section of the Montreal Gazzette in 1991 or 92.

1. Grey Ocean Pacific Cargo pants (Cargo pants 1984) - They made me feel and look like indiana jones. I could escape from my life a little everytime i put these on.

Top 5 Things I Probably Should Not Have said to my in-laws last night

I find the theory behind this one very similar to the top 100 songs of the year list. Most albums that the labels think will sell well are released in August and September. So 75% of the list is from a period of four months.

5. "Canadian politicians screw around as much as US politicians" - This was pretty harmless but they seemed marginally offended

4. "Canada is going to have their own Red and Blue States" - DOH! I meant provinces!

3. "Canadians are the worst at judging their own character" - This one got Caitlin worked up. You'd think i didn't live in Canada half my life.

2. "I'm so drunk!" - For obvious reasons this should be retracted. I hope they didn't hear me.

1. "Canadians are famous for their war crimes." - This one came out totally wrong. I was trying to prove my point that Canadians have this dual character. Their Army has historically been poorly equipped and poorly trained. As a member of the commonwealth they were usually dropped in some of the bloodiest fighting, and as a result resorted to some of the most savage fighting to survive. IN WWI and WWII they were known as some of the "crazier" units because they would go totally beserk on the battlefield. Then in the 90s Canadians were charged with a whole bunch of war crimes in Somolia. Anyway.... all they heard was Canadians and war crimes and looked at me like I was a lunatic.

Top Things I Would Take Back If I Could

I just saw 50 first dates...so if i could re-live anything here are the moments....

5. Agreeing with Ex Wife when she said she didn't want to get married the night before we got married - Yeah, it happend ... self explanatory

4. Kicking Tim something or other during a gym floor hockey game - Tim kicked me back and his creepy burn out friends laughed. Kicking him was so lame.

3. Not throwing Bob Dertinger out the window in english class the last time he tortured me - I was 14 or 15. I could have lasted in juvie for a year or two. Though his dad was in the FBI.... maybe it was a good choice afterall

2. Making a move on Caitlin during our fist date in NYC - Technically i was seeing somebody else but the writing was on the wall. Caitlin was hot, a doctor, and we were staying at the Paramount. Could i have been more of a tool?

1. Not reciprocating the hand holding gesture madde by Tricia Bell, my 7th crush, during a track meet in Ithaca. - She had just broken up with John Vaughn, now i know i was only 13 and totally immature and not ready for any kind of commitment but i relived this moment once a month until i was about 26. Now i only think about it every six months or so. When i hit my sixties i won't care any more... please make it come quick.